once begun is half done

Is that Mary Poppins? I think so. Well yes I know that fact to be true but its the getting begun thats the hard bit, here I am full of plans and what will happen and how great things will be but each day getting started is not proving easy for me. I can blame it on the depression, I can blame it on feeling overwhelmed, on having three kids to look after, on the house being untidy, on if I just had this or that it would be easier but in truth it has to be something else thats blocking me, something inside me saying that untill I get started I havent failed, I havent messed up, everything is still possible cos I havent allowed myself the chance to fall flat on my face. I try to kid myself that Im doing something usefull, looking at fabrics on ebay, reading the Etsy posts and blogs, starting this blog when I havent even got my product ready to blog about!
I have the second of my business start up seminars on Saturday morning, looking at writting a business plan, now Im pritty sure I could have done this myself the number of hours I have spent on the net seeing what I need to put in it, printing off examples and blank forms but getting pen to paper, realy thinking about the questions of cost, expenses, first year expected turn over and my brain shuts down and decides more reading is what is required or theres something else to do or that its to late and Ive done enough for today. This procastination is getting me nowere fast. I know what I want from my business, I want to support my family, enable us to get our own home instead of paying someone elses morgage while living with a broken freezer and a shower that also waters the dining room table beneath every time we use it, I want it to give me a sense of purpose, to show myself and everyone else what Im capable of. Why then cant I make that start that I so desperately need and want?

All change here, new starts, new challenges

Here we are in September already and its back to school (thank you lord!) and my beautiful girl has settled in to "big" school brilliantly, as I knew she would even though she doubted it. She keeps telling me shes a bit shy but I'm not sure she knows what shy means as she talks for England and to anyone, the only problem she will have making friends is that she likes to be the boss and always knows best!

So my mornings are almost my own again, well another three years till Delilah goes to school but she sleeps most of the morning at the moment anyway so I can pretend Im by myself!